Oh, How I Hate You Let Me Count the Ways
by hyperspastic-superhero-girl
Summary: AU Sasu/Naru high school fic, read if you like humorous, craziness
1. Chapter 1

**Warning:** this story will contain yaoi! Just not yet. I also swear alot, so if that bothers you, you might want to bail.

Umm, I don't own Naruto..... Sasuke does.... (evil chuckle)

This is a Sasu/Naru, for those who don't know what that means..... Sasuke's the seme, but you won't have to worry about that yet..... lemons wouldn't fit with the tone of the story at this time.

This is an AU so I don't have to worry about when exactly in the anime it takes place (and also because I like them). I'm also writing an AU so I don't have to deal with Sasuke being a completely retarded jackass, honestly I just wanna smack him... anyway. I'm sure some characters will be OC but I will try my best not to let that happen.

I've never written a fan fic before so it might suck. (crosses fingers) I hope it's good, or at least tolerable. It may prove difficult to write though because all I can think of is how much I would like to read the next installment of Naruto, and how much I can't stand Karin (and I thought Sakura was annoying).

But, omg I feel so bad.... This part contains spoilers, so if you're not caught up on the manga you might wanna skip it.... just put your fingers in your ears and say la la la la. Anyway, I feel horrible for hating Itachi this whole time, I'm not sure how much I believe about the whole 'Oh I didn't call the Kyuubi, it was just a natural disaster' thing but the rest kinda makes sense.... and it really pissed me off, grrr.

I should apologize

**Dee: **"Itachi, I'm really very sorry.... it was my possessive side showing through.... cause you know if you hurt Sasuke you must die. But I wasted all this time hating you for something without understanding your motivation, and now you're dead!" (hugs Itachi soaking his shirt with tears)

**Itachi: **(puts hand on forehead attempting to shove her away) "Back off woman! Gah! What was all that Die Itachi Die crap about then? You're so fickle"

**Dee: **(backs away and looks up at him) "But you were just so creepy" (crosses arms over chest and sticks out her tongue at him) "Just be grateful I'm reconsidering your fucking bastard status. But, I still think it's wrong that you killed all the little kids too."

**Itachi: ** "That's not much of an apology you know, (looks down his nose at her) and you ramble."

**Dee:** (looks down at her feet and kicks a small rock nervously) "I know, but the next story I write you'll be a good brother, okay?" (holds out hand) "I promise"

**Itachi:** (reluctantly shakes hand) "okay"

Now on with the fic..... Yay!

**Oh, How I Hate You.....Let Me Count the Ways**

Chapter one

I Hate Your Eyes

"Ahhhh! Sasuke, look out!" The blonde guy screamed as he jolted awake his heart pounding. What? He asked himself as he blinked his bright blue eyes in the darkness. Who the hell did I just dream about? All I can remember is he was my best friend and I desperately had to save him from....something. Naruto rubbed the back of head bewilderedly and groaned, it's too early to think, but damn it! I hate when I dream about people I don't know, cause it's so creepy, particularly if you meet them later.

It does happen to me all the time though, especially lately. I'll dream about someone that I know in the dream and then I'll wake up and I don't know who the fuck they are. This dream was abnormally strange, although now, stupidly enough, I don't remember why. Something about a.... tatto?. A really gross....hickey? Neck biting thing, maybe? Apparently, Naruto's brain liked to ramble first thing in the morning or maybe it just liked to ramble period.

Naruto yawned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes looking at the clock, five minutes before my alarm is supposed to go off. Great, no more sleep for me. "Shower, here I come." He grumbled to himself as he trudged tiredly to the bathroom.

After he was clean and his hair was nice and spiky, Naruto wandered his closet with a white fluffy towel wrapped around his waist picking out his clothes. He grabbed a long sleeved orange t-shirt with red flames on the sleeves, some orange boxers and a pair of jeans. He was ready in about ten minutes and he looked at his watch.

"Shit!" He exclaimed, "I'm gonna be late for the bus!" Hurriedly slipping on his tan canvas sneakers and grabbing his orange and black backpack, he ran out the door. Being fifteen, he couldn't get his license yet and he didn't have older friends who would pick him up. It sure would be nice to have an older girlfriend or something, he thought, but you know how girls always date older guys and not younger ones. It would also be nice if his fricking dad would drive him to school once in a while, it's not like he was going there anyway or anything, it's not like he taught him science everyday in the same fucking building or anything! Naruto sighed, sometimes you just had to rant to relieve tension.

Dashing to the stop, he barely made it as the bus came around the corner. Getting on the empty bus, he walked to the back and sat down turning on his iPod nano. Scrunching his five foot six inch frame down in his seat with his knees resting on the one in front of him, he closed his eyes as his favorite Cake song 'Sheep Go to Heaven' massaged his eardrums with it's kookiness. At least he had something to do until his best friend, Kiba, got on the bus in about fifteen minutes. He had to ride the bus forever in the morning, he was the first one on and it sucked. Oh well, at least he always got his favorite seat.

Kiba got on the bus and sat in the seat ahead of Naruto, sitting sideways and facing him with his arm on it's back and his feet on the seat. "Guess what man?" Kiba began when Naruto turned off his iPod. "I heard from Hinata, when I was talking to her on the phone last night, that we're getting a new transfer in our class today." Hinata is Kiba's girlfriend and on the student council. She was actually really pretty, who knows how Kiba got to go out with her, but she is good for him, keeps him grounded with her seriousness. He's good for her too though, keeps her happy with his goofiness.

"Oh yeah? Girl?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"Nope, too bad, it's a guy. " Kiba went on, still excited, "Hinata said she heard he was a criminal or something, his brother killed his whole family and the guy tried to go after him or something. It sounded intense."

"That's messed up, I don't have any brothers but I'm sure having one like that would suck." Naruto said as he stretched his arms then placed them behind his head looking at the ceiling of the bus, seemingly contemplating the loneliness of being an only child.

"Yeah, definitely. So, did you get the history homework done?" Kiba asked changing the subject at random.

"Hell no! I was breaking my brain with algebra all night long, do you think I'd have time for the goddamn reconstruction?" the blonde exclaimed loudly earning a glare in the mirror from the bus driver, "Ugh, I hate history." He finished with a sigh folding his arms across his chest and slumping down in his seat.

"You hate everything learning related, Naruto," A new voice commented from the middle of the bus. They looked up to find that during their discussion Neji had gotten on as well.

"Not everything Hyuga," Naruto replied, glaring, trying to come up with a good comeback, "just most things." he finished lamely.

"Hm," Neji grunted and tossed his bag on the outside seat across the isle from Kiba and him and sat sideways on the inside facing them, "Good one Naruto, it boggles my mind how clever you are."

Their friendly banter continued as the bus finally pulled up to the school and they all got off. "So, hey Neji," Naruto said as the three put their books in their lockers, "you got your history done right?" He turned to look at Neji hopefully.

"You're not copying me Naruto," Neji lectured him sternly "If I do all your work for you you'll never learn, then how will you fulfill your destiny."

Naruto snorted at Neji's pseudo cosmic wisdom, "You're such a dork, you never let me copy!"

"And yet, you continue to ask me." Neji's sarcastic bored tone caused Naruto's left eye to start twitching. Neji paid Naruto's irritation induced tic no mind and headed off to his first class without them.

"And he's our friend, why?" Naruto asked Kiba with a raised eyebrow, Kiba just shrugged and started walking off to class but stopped when he saw Hinata rushing toward them.

"Hey," she exclaimed warmly when Kiba greeted her with a hug and a quick kiss.

"Geez you guys PDA, not allowed," Naruto admonished them facetiously and grinned.

Hinata blushed and giggled bouncing on her toes, "Here," she said holding out two blueberry muffins, "I thought you guys might like some breakfast, I had my mom stop at the gas station on the way to school this morning."

"Boo-yah!" Naruto shouted pumping his fist in the air, everyone in the hall stared at them for a couple seconds. "You're awesome Hinata, I'm starving!" He grabbed the muffin and started munching.

"And when are you not hungry Naruto?" Kiba teased, Naruto just mumbled his retort around a mouth full of muffin. "Thank you," Kiba tenderly took the muffin from Hinata and drew her into a one armed hug, "You're so thoughtful sweety."

Naruto made gagging noises behind them, "Seriously now guys, you're going to send me into sugar shock." Although he didn't really mind, he just liked to mess with Kiba's head.

"Shaddup Naruto," Kiba growled, playing along while still holding a giggling Hinata, "When you get a girlfriend I'm totally makin fun of you."

Naruto looked quickly at his watch when he noticed the dwindling student population in the hallway, "Shit guys, we gotta get to class."

They speed walked down the hall and ran up the stairs and almost got to the door of their first hour class, when the bell rang. The group groaned in chorus.

"Well at least it's Mr. Kakashi's class, he's never on time." Naruto said and opened the door. Of course predictably today was the one day of the year their teacher was actually on time.

"You're late," Kakashi stated as the three entered the classroom.

"Sorry sir," Naruto quipped with a huge grin on his face, "We had to help a group of old ladies cross the street."

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a 'you're lying', Naruto, just get to your seat." Kakashi sighed and continued as the three split and went to their seats. "As I was saying, the seating arrangement will be slightly altered from now on because of the addition of a new student."

Naruto took his seat in the back of the room, eternally banished to the back by his last name's placement at the end of the alphabet. He had an immensely bad feeling about the new student they would have today, he couldn't stop thinking about that weird dream.

"Naruto, if you wouldn't mind moving over a seat," Kakashi's voice popped into Naruto's daydream and he looked up at the teacher, "I'm going to put the new guy next to you."

Just as Kakashi finished, the door opened and someone walked into the room holding a piece of paper and some books. "Ah," Kakashi gave the new guy a come on in motion, "you must be Sasuke Uchiha, welcome, your seat's in the back next to Naruto. Hold up your hand Naruto."

Naruto rolled his eyes and did as he was bid. Holding his hand in the air, he took a moment to scrutinize this Sasuke Uchiha. He experienced a moment of shock akin to panic, he was sort of expecting it to be the guy from his dream but not fully prepared for it. Inexplicably everything about him was almost exactly the same. Black hair, black eyes, pale skin, even the arrogance that on anyone else would incite violence but seemed to suit him perfectly. Naruto shook himself out of his daydream with difficulty when Sasuke dropped his books loudly on the desk and looked at him out of the corner of his eye. Then turned his head when he noticed Naruto staring.

"What?"

"Oh Hi," Naruto said brightly, holding out his hand in greeting with his most friendly grin in place, "I'm Naruto, nice to meetcha!" Wow he's really cool, maybe we will be friends, Naruto thought.

Sasuke looked at the proffered hand as if it were pulled from a garbage heap then glanced at Naruto, "Weirdo".

"What!?" Naruto exclaimed, shocked that a guy he just met would insult him like that. Did he just think he could be friends with this guy?

"I said you're a weirdo, but I meant that you're stupid and apparently deaf." Sasuke went on adding more insults while Naruto sat stupefied.

"I'm not deaf," Naruto paused for a few seconds, glaring at Sasuke, "oh, and I'm not stupid either."

"Right... damn, you had me fooled." Sasuke looked at a smirking Kakashi in response to a small coughing sound. Then glanced back at a still staring Naruto. "Fuck! Will you stop staring at me!" He shouted for the entire class to hear.

"Naruto, don't stare at people, it's weird." Kakashi reprimanded lightly from the front of the room, clearly amused by the whole situation, "Sasuke, don't curse you are in school after all," He added, "Now if you're quite finished staring at Sasuke, can we get started with class please." The class murmured for a couple seconds and Naruto heard 'freak' and 'stupid, staring at the new guy'.

"Can anyone tell me what they thought the greatest mistake of the reconstruction was...." Kakashi continued his history lecture but Naruto was no longer listening.

x-x-x-x-x yaoi x-x-x-x-x

A couple hours later Naruto stalked rapidly through the congested hallways of the school trying to make it to his next class before the bell, weaving around his peers at great speed. Damn this badly designed freaking three story building to hell, why can't they just put the same grades classes closer together? And of course his last teacher had to discuss his poor performance in algebra with him. It wasn't his fault he didn't understand factoring, and it's not like he was ever going to need it anyway, grrrr. Now he had to haul ass to get to his fourth period English class on time. Unfortunately said class happened to be on the other side of the school. Cursing to himself, he turned a corner and quickly walked into the correct room. He was hoping like hell the new student was not in this class.

He'd had three classes so far and thankfully only the first one had the dreaded jerk's presence. Naruto arrived at his seat just as the bell rang, looking around he noticed that he was the only student in the class room. There were no students, no teacher and in fact no reason for him to stay. He got up to leave when...

"So I guess you really are stupid," said the calm but cold voice of the black haired young man leaning up against the doorway.

"You again, dammit" Naruto said glaring at the pale young man.

"I was sent to get you," Sasuke said coldly still leaning against the wall but looking more exasperated then before.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, if you would have read the sign on the door, we were to meet in the library and then leave for lunch early. But since you're a complete retard, I guess that's just too much to ask" He said as he started to walk away.

Naruto glared at him as he walked away but quickly followed. Entering the library, he walked quickly to his seat receiving glares sent his way from the entire class. Especially from the prissy pink haired bimbo Sakura and her equally shallow friend Ino, the teacher's pets. Who'd both hated him since the third grade when he'd thrown Sakura in a mud puddle for calling his friend Gaara a mommy killer. Bitches, he growled to himself, it's bad enough that Gaara's mom is dead and his psychotic uncle blames him for it but to have two clueless dumbshits do it also..... it still pisses him off to this day.

"Naruto!" jumping slightly in alarm, Naruto stared at his English teacher Mr. Asuma, he hadn't even realized he'd been glaring off into space lost in thought. "Since we had to wait for you to arrive today," Mr. Asuma continued sternly, "the least you could do is pay attention."

"Yes sir"

"As I was saying," Mr. Asuma continued, "Today everyone will pick out two books from my lists," He held up two booklets of about five pages each. "I expect two well done five hundred word essays in three months time. One list is the approved reading list and one is the banned books list. The first one will be written as a normal book report. In the second, however, I would like everyone to explain, in their own words, why they think these books are banned and if they agree or disagree with the banning. This means, class, you're not allowed to go to any web sites to find the reasons I want your own opinions." He set the packets on a table in the front of the room. "Anyone may pick the same book, but if any two people turn in the exact same paper you'll both fail. This is a large portion of your grade, people, so do a good job. The school library has only a couple copies of a few of these books, but I'm sure a number of the libraries in town have some too. When you've made your choices you may go to lunch. Any questions?"

Sakura's hand shot up, Oh great, here we go, Naruto groaned to himself "Sir, are we allowed to read books we've read before?"

"Sure Sakura, as long as your essay is good, I don't really care."

Neji also raised his hand, "What if there's a book we would like to discuss that's not on the list?"

"Sure," Mr. Asuma replied smiling, " just submit your request for my approval. Anyone else?" He waited a few seconds and when no one responded, "alright lets get started."

The class swarmed around the table at the front of the library, talking about what books they wanted to do. Naruto, however stayed in his seat for the time being, not wanting to subject himself to the trauma of choosing his very own torture just yet. Sasuke, aka the raven haired son of Satan passed by Naruto's seat on his way to the front a few minutes later when the hysteria had been reduced to more tolerable levels.

"Can you handle this assignment, stupid?" He taunted with a raised eyebrow, "you can read right?"

"Bastard!" Naruto shouted and lunged out of his seat toward the black haired menace, who stepped neatly to the side to watch him fall flat on his face. The blond glared up at his nemesis from his position on the floor, getting slowly to his feet he smoothed out his shirt and dusted off his pants continuing to glare at the newly appointed bane of his existence.

"Geez moron, spastic much?" Sasuke smirked.

"I'llshowyouspasticyousarcasticsonofabitch!" The blond spat at him in a rush.

"What are you babbling about? I don't speak freak."

"Uzumaki, Uchiha! stop fighting and get back to work!" Mr. Asuma shouted from the front of the library.

"He started it!" Naruto blurted and pointed to Sasuke like a five year old.

The raven shook his head, patronizing the blond's childish behavior "Moron," he muttered softly so only Naruto heard him. The hyperactive high schooler lunged at his enraging classmate only to, once again, look up at the infuriating asshole from the floor. With a roar he launched himself at the shithead, finally succeeding in tackling him and punching him in the face. In a matter of seconds, Sasuke flipped them over and pummeled Naruto in the eye. Soon they became a rolling mass of flying fists, feet and screams of "I hate you!" from a certain blond loudmouth.

"Enough!" Mr. Asuma roared in fury, "Detention! Both of you! Leave! Principal's office! NOW!"

Painfully getting to his feet, Naruto trudged to the door of the library in shame. Sasuke glared at the teacher then at the retreating back of the stupid twit but unwillingly followed. They exited the library, Naruto leading the way down the silent hallway but suddenly stopped in the middle. "Oh shit," he groaned quietly to himself. "My dad's gonna Kill me."

TBC

I had to repost this because...... I spelled Neji's name wrong! (hangs head in shame) I feel really stupid now.

I'm tempted to change it more, I'm never totally happy with my own work, but I won't I will stop myself (slaps hand.... bad Dee....bad)

Anyway, I hope people like it.... it might take me a while to update this story, I'm experiencing writer's block and can't decide where it's going.

Please leave a review, even if you don't like it.... feel free to tell me why.


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning:** Swearing, comedy and a little SasuNaru yaoi love. Um, apparently Naru-chan is fifteen, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I don't own Naruto.

Hey Everybody: Wow… I haven't written anything on this story in a long time, I'll try to put myself in a much younger mindset and make it as cohesive as I can. I'm really sorry I didn't update sooner, it'll serve me right if no one reads it… I love you all you know… I hope I can bring the funny and fulfill expectations, but even if I can't, I promised to finish it, so here goes

Drumroll please!

**Oh How I Hate You… Let Me Count the Ways**

_They exited the library, Naruto leading the way down the silent hallway but suddenly stopped in the middle. "Oh shit," he groaned quietly to himself. "My dad's gonna Kill me."_

**Chapter 2**

**I Hate Your Mouth**

"What was that? You're a goody two shoes as well as a spaz? Worried about your daddy being disappointed in you?" Sasuke the bastard stood there mocking him, his stupid perfect hair, and stupid perfect face having inexplicably haunted his dreams before they even met.

Naruto had forgotten he was right behind him.

Turning to glare at the young man that he was not very happy with meeting in the flesh that very morning, he spat, "Who was talking to you anyway? Can you pull your head outta your ass and stop being a dick for two seconds? No? Thought so." Naruto walked away, muttering to himself… something about fuck my life.

"You know it's not a good sign that you talk to yourself, it's like hearing voices, a sign of mental instability."

"Are you still talking bastard? 'Cause you know no one's listening."

"Look here you little retard! You started this by staring at me like a lovesick creeper in history this morning!" Sasuke gave him a hard shove that sent him staggering against the opposite wall.

Shoving back he shouted, "Oh yeah? Well I didn't ask to dream about your stupid stuck up ass since I was fucking thirteen years old!"

Sasuke stopped mid retaliatory shove with a half horrified half fascinated look on his face, "What?"

"Nothing!" Eyes wide Naruto ran full tilt in the direction of the office, hoping that Sasuke didn't hear him clearly although he was sure he had.

Shizune glared at him from her desk as he slammed the door shut behind him, probably right in Sasuke's face since he opened it angrily no more than two seconds later.

"Is Tsunade ba'chan in? We have detention." Naruto spoke for both he and Sasuke before the bastard could talk and maybe embarrass him horribly.

"Ooooh, Mr. Namakaze's son has detention, for shame."

Naruto, grit his teeth, trying to ignore the murmuring of the student council members in the corner. His father, Minato Namakaze, being the life sciences teacher in their school put pressure on him to be on his best behavior at all times, not that he actually ever was, but it was still expected.

"Fighting the new guy on his first day of school Naruto? I am so disappointed in you." Shizune shook her head slowly, clicking her tongue at him.

"Hey! You say this like I'm the only one to blame Shizune! Look, just get the old lady alright." Naruto said in a huff, crossing his arms in front of his chest and glaring at her, deliberately not glancing at Sasuke who still stood behind him.

"Don't call me that brat!" He heard Tsunade yell from her office a few feet away, "Get in here so I can yell at you properly!"

Naruto grinned, his face lighting up as he marched into his godmother's office

"He deliberately provoked me!"

Sasuke made a scoffing sound that may have been adorable, without all the emo bastardy-ness behind it, "You were the one being childish and overreacting about shit."

"Well you were being a giant dick!"

"Because you wouldn't quit staring at Me!"

"Well I'm sorry, but you're pretty, for a fuck-head."

"What?!"

"Shut up, both of you!" Tsunade yelled, rubbing a nerve that was twitching by her eye, "You will both serve detention with Kakashi, together, every day after school for a week, starting today." Her tone sounded a bit exhausted, they both started to protest, but she continued regardless, "No backtalk about it! Now get outta here and get back to class! And I'd better not hear about anymore fighting either!

Sitting in the history room for his detention a few hours later, Naruto resolutely ignored the bastard that sat a few desks away from him. He and Sasuke were all alone at the moment, Kakashi had to visit the restroom, which in his case is code for going to read porn in the bathroom. Naruto was hoping to avoid any more embarrassing outbursts, which was hard, this guy seemed to press all his buttons without even trying. He heard _Down With the Sickness_, his other best friend Gaara's ringtone and quickly answered it, "Yo, sup."

"What are you doing?"

He sighed, "detention."

"Oh yeah, I heard you got your ass handed to you by the new guy."

"I did Not! He gave me a bloody nose and I gave him a black eye!"

"Calm down, I believe you. Do you want me to take him out for you?"

"Nah, that's okay, although you could ask Kankuro to make a voodoo doll for me." Naruto joked

"Sure, do you need pins or do you have some?" Gaara replied in a completely serious sounding monotone.

"Do you have some?"

"Do you need to ask? You'll want to get some hair or something else personal to make it work."

Naruto chuckled, "You are one creepy mother fucker, man. I'll call you later."

After hanging up, Naruto looked up to see Sasuke watching him.

"So you like Disturbed? I never would've guessed that."

"I like a lot of things."

"Hn."

Sasuke got up from his seat, grabbed his chair and turned it around to face Naruto behind the desk in front of his. Straddling it, he propped his chin up on both his fists and looked him right in the eye the look in his black eyes indecipherable. "So I'm curious, what do these dreams about me entail?"

This could very well be the beginning of a beautiful friendship… yeah right.

A/N

There's a little more, it's kinda short but now I'm tired… review please.


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning:** Swearing, comedy and a little **SasuNaru** yaoi love. Um, apparently Naru-chan is fifteen, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I Still don't own Naruto… Dammit…

Ta Da! Another chapter.

**Oh How I Hate You… Let Me Count the Ways**

_Sasuke got up from his seat, grabbed his chair and turned it around to face Naruto behind the desk in front of his. Straddling it, he propped his chin up on both his fists and looked him right in the eye the look in his black eyes indecipherable. "So I'm curious, what do these dreams about me entail?"_

**Chapter 3**

**I Hate Your Face… Well maybe not.**

"Uh," Naruto didn't know what to say, this was all so embarrassing. "Usually, that we're best friends and I am trying to save you from something, there's this feeling of desperation, like I Need to find you or something, it's so bizarre… That's all I can ever remember." He looked at the floor, not wanting to see the mocking in the bastard's dark brown eyes… eyes like dark chocolate… Wait, what was he doing again?

"O… Kay… So, do you have psychic dreams often?"

"Only about you… Wait, that came out weird," He looked at Sasuke's still impassive face with a panicked expression. "Can we start over?"

"Hn,"

"Good, I won't have to kick your ass now." Naruto seemed unconcerned about his sudden grasp of Sasuke-speak, this innate understanding if you will, that had appeared almost out of nowhere, it could only help him in the future, right?

"Whatever, loser." Sasuke's good natured teasing, held no real malice; unlike earlier when his comments were clearly meant to offend.

When Kakashi returned from the restroom not two minutes later, he sent them home, saying he was sure they had learned enough for the day, although Naruto suspected he was just bored.

They left the building together, heading for the parking lot, falling into step perfectly as if walking together for years. "You need a ride?" Sasuke stopped by a black BMW coupe. Unlocking the doors with a press of a button, he smirked at Naruto who was clearly a little in love with his car.

"You have wheels? And a license?" Naruto was practically bouncing on his toes at the thought.

"No, I drive without one, I like to spit in the face of the law, I'm a deviant like that." Naruto could practically hear the eye roll in his new friend's voice. "Yes dobe, I have a license, I turned sixteen in July."

"I hate you so much right now… no, on second thought… You're my new best friend!"

"Just get in."

"Boo-yah! This is hella sweet!" Naruto boldly turned on the radio and was completely stoked to hear Slipknot, another of his favorite bands, coming from the speakers. "You like them too? It's like we're musical soul mates!"

"Moron, two bands is hardly soul mates, and you're also insane. Where do you get this crap anyway? Tell me where you live."

Naruto told him but continued with his ridiculous conversation, "So what other music do you like then? We could continue the epic music soul-mate-ness."

They pulled into Naruto's driveway about twenty minutes later. He was still rambling about his musical preferences, some of which Sasuke shared, some he'd never heard of and some that he hated with a fiery passion, threatening to stab his own eardrums out if he was ever subjected to them.

"You want to come in? Play some video games, have some soda?"

Sasuke shrugged and turned his car off, following Naruto to his front door he took in the strangely nice farmhouse that was his home. Even though it was nice it was still in the middle of nowhere, which Sasuke found a little creepy.

"Dobe, why do you live on the corner of bored-out-of-my-mind-next-to-a-cornfield and epic fail?"

"This whole town is made of boring and fail," Naruto held open the door, motioning for Sasuke to precede him. "And you live here too so what's wrong with you?"

Sasuke shrugged again, "I was stuck in a foster home, I had no real choice in the matter."

"Really? That sucks."

"Yeah, my whole family was shot by my older brother while I was at karate one day a couple years ago, I don't really like to talk about it."

Naruto nodded sharply and grinned, "Fair enough, my mom died of cancer a couple years ago. I don't like to talk about that either." After their bro bonding moment they went up the stairs to Naruto's room to play Halo 4 on his 360.

When his dad stuck his head in the door two hours later he heard whining as Naruto died for the fifth time. "Oh, a new friend… Hey, come downstairs guys, dinner's ready."

They went downstairs and sat at the table eating takeout pizza from town, "Naruto, I was very disappointed to hear about your fight with the new guy today. I sincerely hope it doesn't happen again." Minato began in a chastising tone.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. We won't be fighting much anymore… I hope." One of Sasuke's eyebrows raised and Naruto chuckled. "Dad, meet the new guy, Sasuke. Sasuke, my dad."

"Uh, hi." Sasuke's smirk belied his emotionless tone as he nodded at Minato.

"Hi."

A/N

That was fun, incredibly pointless, but fun nonetheless. I needed a little fun today to distract myself from the fact that my Anthropology professor is a homophobic bastard. My perspective is, he's much too judgmental for someone who's supposed to be an objective studier of society. And you know that 'are you a lesbian?' silence that falls when you make a comment about the need for sexual equality in society, because only gay people care about equal rights. It makes me want to stab people.

I will stop it there because honestly, I got nothin', it was good for a laugh though, yeah? Sorry that they live in the middle of nowhere in boring-ville USA. (it seemed like a good idea at the time?)

I was thinking for the next chapter… which would you prefer: drunken time or truth or dare? Both are probably equally cliché. Or if someone had a better idea I'm open for suggestions .

If anyone thinks their relationship is moving a little too fast, like they're way too close way too early, just keep in mind that Naruto had dreams about Sasuke for two years, and I'm trying to say that Sasuke remembers him too, subconsciously, so he lets him take liberties, (be a little too close, mess with his stuff, know extremely personal information ect.). So if you think Sasuke accepted the whole 'Naru-chan is dreaming about me' thing a little too easily then that's why. Is he too OC? Let me know please.

I know it was short, but you could tell me I'm awesome anyway and inspire me to create good smut… for Curiosity. ;D

You'll get a cookie... (a nice gooey chocolate chip cookie, virtually anyway)


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning:** Swearing, comedy and a little **SasuNaru** yaoi love. Um, apparently Naru-chan is fifteen, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

And… Still no owning of Naruto… Dammit…

Sorry, It's been over a month since I updated, crap I didn't mean for it to take this long, my bad.

**Oh How I Hate You… Let Me Count the Ways**

"_Yeah, don't worry about it. We won't be fighting much anymore… I hope." One of Sasuke's eyebrows raised and Naruto chuckled. "Dad, meet the new guy, Sasuke. Sasuke, my dad."_

"_Uh, hi." Sasuke's smirk belied his emotionless tone as he nodded at Minato._

"_Hi."_

**Chapter 4**

**I Hate When You Lie **

That Friday morning on the bus Naruto heard about a party Gaara's brother, Kankuro, was having, so as one of Gaara's best friends he was allowed to go. It would take place that night and he was totally gonna make Sasuke go. The jerk would probably try to bail or something but there was no way he would succeed.

Although they'd only been friends for a week, it felt like they'd been friends forever, he thought about exactly how he could get the moody bastard to go. What would the best extortion choice be? Bribery? Blackmail? No, bribery wouldn't work, and he didn't really have any dirt on his bastardly friend… Maybe he could trick him into going to the party by telling him it was just a small friendly gathering then give him beer until he no longer cared how many people were there. Then he'd have blackmail material.

To be honest, he really just wanted to see his high and mighty emo-bastardlyness drunk, that could be hilarious. In his brain, Naruto rubbed his hands together laughing maniacally.

In History Naruto casually texted Sasuke under his desk:

'_**Hey, a few of us are staying at Gaara's tonight for a Harry Potter marathon later, you should come.'**_

He watched as Sasuke read the text surreptitiously shrugged and replied:

'_**Fine, but you have to study during detention tonight.'**_

Naruto groaned at Sasuke's stringency while trying to contain his glee at soon seeing the bastard all tipsy:

'_**Study what?'**_

'_**English, you have those two papers to do for Asuma.'**_

'_**That's not due for another two weeks!'**_

'_**And?'**_

Naruto sighed, being friends with Sasuke was just so much work. He replied:

'_**Fine, but I'll have you know you're cutting back on my Tom Felton wanking material.'**_

Sasuke frowned but then smirked as he typed on his phone:

'_**TMI man, TMI. But look on the bright side, Harry Potter is on the banned book list so you can read it for your assignment.'**_

'_**It is? That's just kinda sad… the whole point of the book is 'be more tolerant'. Which banned book did u pick?'**_

'_**Fahrenheit 451, it's about a futuristic society that controls free thought by banning books and then burning them; oh the irony.'**_

They decided they would ride to Gaara's together for the get together that was secretly a party, Naruto was hoping it wouldn't be too wild when they got there so Sasuke would be surprised later, or should he say horrified.

Xxxx SasuNaru xxxX

That night on the way to Gaara's as Naruto rode with Sasuke in his car, he was having second thoughts; he was thinking that maybe this was a bad idea. But he didn't want them to turn around because he wanted to get to know Sasuke better and he was sure that alcohol would hasten the awkward process.

Kankuro's parties were known to get a little crazy with the alcohol and the loud music but living in the country mostly nobody cared; however it was an accepted rule that if the cops get called because you are too rowdy Kankuro will hunt you down and kill you, as soon as he got out of jail.

However, the crowd at Gaara's was by no means restrained as they milled about the basement; some playing pool and some dancing to the mellow metal strains of Metallica and Tool among others. Sasuke was sitting on a couch by the wall, holding a beer, looking all kinds of pissed off; which told Naruto that Sasuke was in desperate need of more drinks.

After he had a few drinks Kiba had suggested playing truth-or-dare, a game that Naruto hated, ever since the run around the house naked and get spotted by your best friend's mom incident of two years ago, don't ask. He decided he would have to play anyway, just to goad Sasuke into doing it.

"We're playing truth or dare, wanna play? It can be interesting if you add shots. Playing bastard? Or are you scared?" Snickering as Sasuke glared at him, falling for his tactics, Naruto followed the others up the stairs and away from the music.

About ten other people had also decided to play; they all sat in a big circle so they could face each other to make it extra creepy. Kiba was there and Hinata of course, Neji somehow got talked into it by his girlfriend TenTen, Temari had worked her magic on Shikamaru, Chouji, Gaara, Lee, Shino and even Sai. Probably with promises of violence if they failed to amuse her.

"Okay, let's get this ball rolling," Kiba said with an obnoxious laugh, "Here's how this works, if you don't want to do the dare or answer the question, you take a shot but you don't get to give someone a dare, the person who asked you gets to go again. Shika, truth or dare?"

"Neither, they're both a drag, I'm taking a shot." He promptly laid down on the floor after downing his drink, not interested in their game in the slightest.

"Every party has a pooper, that's why we invited you." Kiba said singsong like.

"Fuck off."

"C'mon guys, everyone knows that truth-or-dare is for losers and never-have-I-ever is better!" Naruto yelled, pumping a fist into the air.

"Yeah, I'm sure your lame ass would win that game loser… you've basically done nothing."

Naruto rolled his eyes, Sasuke was such a dick when he drank, "That's not how the game works and you know it bastard, you could totally get disqualified for doing lame shit too! Someone else just has to never have done it! Like you could say… Never have I ever read a Superman comic, and I would have to put a finger down."

Sasuke finished his fifth Heineken in one gulp and set the empty bottle on the table, "Or I could say, never have I ever jerked off to a fantasy of Harry Potter, and you'd have to put a finger down."

"Hey! I told you that in confidence! And my fantasy was Draco Malfoy, big difference jerk!"

Sasuke snickered, arching his eyebrow, "At least I'm not an idiot who can only like imaginary people, like you."

"Hey! I do not like imaginary people I only liked him after I saw him getting interviewed one time! I'm never drinking with you again! You're such a fucker, I hate you!"

"Whatever," Sasuke stomped off, slamming the door behind him.

Naruto sat there for a few seconds with a very angry look on his face, then he seemed to snap out of it. "Dammit!" He said before he ran off after his pissed off friend.

Everyone left in the room looked at each other; silently asking each other, what the fuck just happened?

A/N:

Hmm, unsure about where the random Harry Potter references came from (shrug) oh well. I do not own Harry Potter (property of JK), or Tom Felton (sad face)… everyone knows slavery is illegal… And in defense of my tiny thing for him (it's itty bitty… ), I only got it after I met him, that counts for something right? (he's just stinkin' adorable!)

Everybody should thank my World Religion Prof, Matt, for this chapter… thanks Matt. Because while in class talking about how the routine of something creative, like prayer, works better than just waiting to be inspired… I was like, Oh, I should write.

Was that really boring or is it just me? I combined all the ideas for this chapter, yay! Any thoughts as to why Sasuke was being so pissy? Find out maybe next chapter.

I'm a little worried about myself, I keep having strange thoughts in Anthropology, and I have to force myself not to ask inappropriate things. Like yesterday, we learned that in Japan (totally already knew this) they used to not kiss, there was no word for it in their culture, and my first thought was asking: "kissing anywhere or just on the mouth?" and I wasn't thinking cheek or neck either, hahaha, I was totally thinking nipples, blowjobs and rimming… I wanted to ask so bad, just to see what he would say.

Then later I had a thought when learning about some culture and their belief in empowerment of young warriors through the ingestion of semen (don't remember who they were). Apparently, they have this ritual where an older warrior has sex with a younger man's wife (while wearing a buffalo head) to somehow pass his powerful spunk on to the younger warrior in some kind of trickle down affect, yet they also have this belief that women somehow absorb some power from men um through sex or something. Which just leads me to a thought; whoever thought of this ritual is an idiot! This makes no sense! If they were worried about the woman keeping some of the power why wouldn't they just give the guy the sperm directly… I'm just saying. I didn't voice this although now I wish I would have just to see the look on his face… would've been priceless.


End file.
